How are things going, Eileen?

Hi, Eileen

How are you? Awaiting news on dad. Keeping you in my prayers.

Hi Everyone - he's still in hospital. We are doing 8 ht shifts so he doesnt have to restrained which raises his BP.
Edema - from his heart & liver - they want to reduce the swelling before release. He cant stand. Even elevating is scrotum to reduce swelling
We cant bring him home. He is so combative with the nurses & with us - them nice. back & forth. Im so tired. I know I cant change his diaper myself - 180+ lbs. The cath - So many questions -no answers.
Doctors says one day at a time - thats what Im doing too.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Hope this makes sense
Eileen

My prayers are for you and your parents Eileen.
I'm surprised they would restrain him. In Mich. it is against the law to restrain them. The last time Bill was in, they had a sitter with him 24/7. They used one of the nurses not on the schedule to act as the sitter. They wouldn't even leave when I was there unless they ask my permission.

Keep us up on how he is doing.

Eileen,

THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Until it does, you endure. Please remember we are with you in spirit and our prayers and love surround you at all times.

Thank you all. You guys give me strength.
Trying to talk to Mom about placement - she wants him home. We dont even have a hospital bed or the right supplies.
All the nurses are afraid of him it seems. I dont blame them. I am too sometimes - brings back bad memories of abuse from him.
I keep saying, God give me strength and patience to get through this day.
Thanks you guys.
Eileen

I hope you can convince your mom to place him. Maybe if you present it as a temporary thing and when he is able to walk again or when he gets stronger he can come home.

The nurses at one of the NH Bill went to for respite, the one I hated, said they were afraid of him because he would get so angry. The hospice nurse told them that's why he was prescribed ativan to cover times like that. There were times I was afraid of Bill, too. That was the main reason I moved him to a seperate bedroom. I didn't trust him when I went to sleep, and I don't mean him getting up. I even locked my bedroom door at night along with locking his door. I had to or I never would have been able to sleep during that period.

Is your dad on seroquel? That did seem to help Bill. He was taking, if I remember right, 25mg morning and again mid afternoon. Then 150 at bedtime.

Is your dad doing better and do you have any idea when he will be going home?

Eileen,

I have no idea about the various medications for controlling his anger, as Old Navy's outbursts were verbal in nature, and he hadn't progressed to the point of medication before he passed away.

I have to agree with Joyce about coaxing Mom to have him placed with the idea that it's only until he is able to walk again. The doctors might back you up on this idea, insisting that he's not getting the kind of care needed to keep him healthy and that he's a danger to both himself and her. You may just have to put your foot down and insist on his being placed over your mom's objections. It may be time to go into 'parent' mode.

However, I know firsthand the stress and anxiety you are going through with both parents. Take it one hour at a time; let go and let God do the worrying. You will survive it. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel and do what you must do for the sake of your parents.

Keep us posted on how things are going. We are here to give you support in any way possible.

Our hearts and prayer are with you Eileen during this difficult time. Please keep us updated. I agree that placement is probably the best thing for your dad. I hope your mom can see that and realize that it doesn't mean failure or quitting on her part.
We are here for you sweetie.

Eileen,
Your dad cannot not be somewhat on hospice. In my experience with it, you would have much more nursing care and many more supplies including a hospital bed. Mom was on what your dad was on before hospice and its just a home health care thing that medicare pays for when a patient can't get out. As long as he's in the hospital, this is your chance. Get ahold of the social worker. He or she will arrange for a hospice liason to come and visit with you. Mom was acting the exact same way as your dad. With the other things wrong with him, I guarantee you will be able to get hospice. Then see if he can get in the hospice home for a week or two. Although my experience in the hospice home was not good, many others are.

As far as restraining your dad, your right, do not allow that. I don't know if its legal or not in the state of illinois, but it does make it so much worse on everyone. Hospice or the hospital should be able to get a sitter for you so you all can get some rest. And you shouldn't be changing him while in the hospital, the nurses or aids should be doing that.

Please Eileen, go to the social worker at the hospital. Talk to her till you can't talk anymore. There is help out there, you just have to push them till they don't want to hear you anymore. Before Mom died, I called a seniors help care in Will county. They were willing to send a girl from a health care agency free of charge for so many hours that the state would pay for. I didn't find out all the details, as then Mom passed away before I had a chance to meet with the social worker. I'm going to dig up the paper work, and see if I can find some info for you. Actually, hospice is the one that told me about it.

If you need a ear, you have my phone number, give me a call. I'll help you through this as much as I can. This is a very rough time I know, but hang in there. And also, is there anyway, anyway at all your Mom can afford to get a girl at the hospital or at home privately. I paid mine $10/hr, but I know many are in need of jobs and will probably take less. Please think about it and talk to your Mom. It takes a toll on our bodies, take it from me.

As far as your mom being impatient at times, its so hard not to. I feel so guilty at all the times I treated Mom so mean. But sometimes to stay sane, its the only way.

Please let me know what I can do for you. I'll look up that stuff and try to have it for you by tonight.

Jackie

Eileen,
Check your email when you have a chance. Put some info on there you may be interested in. Please get in touch with that Pam Rainbolt by email, and she will point you in the right direction for help.

Jackie

Eileen, its me again. I just remembered I posted this some time ago. My post is "Hopefully some help for Care givers. Read it when you have a chance. Explains a bit what's out there as far as some free help.

Jackie

Just home to shower - havent had time to read everything. They released him yesterday Thursday after noon. He walked 50 feet and some of the swelling went down with new drug Lestix( spel?) I guess we stayed as long as was allowed.
Sent us an oxygen tank -? -he wasnt using one at the hospital. We will try to get him to use it at night as they suggest.
More later
Thank you all so much
Eileen

I'm glad your dad is doing better. What is your mother's feeling about placement now. I hope she changes her mind.
The drug isn't lasix, is it? I know that's a water pill.
Are you going to have the help you need now that he's home?

We're all here for you. Let us know how you're doing.

Just checking in to see how things are going Eileen.