Hi all,

I looked up symptoms of menopause and figured that grief and menopause could be causing my sister's erratic, cranky behavior. What do you all think? She is acting SO much like my mom did though, it just seems hard to believe. She has a hard time following stories that I tell with several different people, asks the same questions, blows things WAY out of proportion, is favoring one son over the other, not like her at all, she got lost going to the airport that she goes to often, almost crashed twice on the drive home from my house the last time, it was dark, recounts things incorrectly, says the wedding is at different times, has no tolerance for children...

Thought I would ask if any of you have seen these things in menopausal women. Not sure what to do, I started writing my brother in law and stopped to call sister's daughter in law to find out what he is thinking. He is very resistant to the thought that she has AD, says it's menopause and grief, several Drs told him that. So, not sure what to do now. I guess I could write him and tell him that something is seriously wrong with sister and to please get her to a Dr. to run some tests to find out what it could be. Yes, that's what I should do. Thanks for helping me with that one.

Hoping to hear back from you all,

~Kelly~

Could be. We know each one of these ALONE--hormones, grief, stress--can play havoc on mental and physical wellbeing. Throw it all in the same pot, at the same time, and husband's got his hands full, that's for sure. Much less what he's going through himself. Really, no wonder he can't even think of adding AD to the mix. I'd imagine as long as doctors blame it on hormones, that's a pretty 'safe place' for a husband to stay until convinced otherwise.

Maybe it would help to remind him that some of these changes have occurred SINCE her last visit and doctors always want to know when symptoms worsen. Explain through your experience with your Mom's appointments, you have learned it's much better to hand the doctor a written note of recent changes than voicing them in front of her, saving all dignity, while giving info needed to get to the bottom of what's going on.

He might "contemplate" and add to a report if you started it, even categorized it with things you've listed, but not necessarily addressing AD:

Communication
Sense of Time and Place
Memory
Mood and Behavior

I don't know. I see your panic and desperation to do something and it seems your hands are tied. Or would he let YOU take her to the doctor? How does she feel about going to the doctor?

One last thought.....I'm afraid you're going to drive yourself nuts looking up stuff on the internet. You'll probably find her symptoms in everything you see! Take a deep breath, Hon. You won't know what it is until you can get her in.

Hope your Dad's okay after his fall. Sorry to hear that. By the way, what is Remedy Rescue? Sounds like we could all use some of that!

Keep us posted.

Hi Sames U, I'm sorry about not responding earlier, forgot! Thanks for all of your advice. I've done some more reading and realized that I had to leave this be until after the wedding. Wedding is this weekend, so we are off to ID for that where sister lives, staying with her which I am a bit nervous about but we'll all be busy helping out so it should be fine.

I think I am going to speak to her husband in a few weeks and then to her if he won't listen. She needs help and I have to try. If they won't listen I'll pray and wait and praying is not doing nothing, God is listening and knows what He is going to do, I just need to trust Him for it.

Rescue Remedy is a Bach Flower formula homeopathic that we use whenever under any kind of stress. It really does help right away. It is in alcohol, you take about 4-5 drops or there is a spray that is even easier to use. Best used when you haven't had anything in your mouth for about 20-30 min and then nothing after but water for the same time. Any kind of stress at all. I plan on dropping it in sister's mouth all weekend, she's planned this whole wedding and the rehearsal dinner and sounds like she's done a great job.

Must run and keep packing,

Thanks for the encouragement, ~Kelly~

Hang in there, Kelly. It'll all happen in due time. And we'll be with you.

Thanks for the info about Rescue Remedy. I'm going to look for it. My dad used to spray W-D 40 on everything. He always swore he was going to try it on his old knees! He should've known about this!

How was the wedding, Kelly?

Hi Joyce and SamesU,

The idea of WD-40, yikes, that is funny!

Thanks for asking Joyce. The wedding was very nice. Bride is a teeny, tiny thing, didn't get enough sleep so of course was sick day before and day of wedding, I think she still is. Good lesson for my girls not to stay up late the week of if at all possible.

We got there on Thurs. evening and went right to work, didn't stop until Sunday night. I thought we would be able to rest Sunday after church, but brother in law invited his family over so we started washing dishes and didn't stop for some time, urgh!!! Thankfully the reception was at a nice hotel and catered so we got to thoroughly enjoy that and didn't have to do anything but enjoy.

Sister did incredibly well throughout. She made some crazy mistakes, I did a ton of thinking for her, making list after list, couldn't believe she didn't have lists!!!! Had the rehearsal dinner and all to do. Lots of nice friends did a lot to help too for which we were all very thankful. My dad ran to the store about 12 times, he was very kind, husband and boys helped a ton too. Sister did run a red light on the way home from the rehearsal with one of my children in the car, she didn't even know it!!! ~Big sigh~

I did talk to 2 of her long time friends, they are concerned and said they would do more to help. I'm thankful for that as I was feeling somewhat alone as far as her people.

Well, I could tell you lots more but my 2 brothers are coming to town in an hour and I have to get ready. They are the ones who came 2 years ago and then another came 1 1/2 yrs ago too. Soooo, they are in for a shock when they see Mom, major change. I have to tell you what she said yesterday. We got a call that she had a minor cut and bruising on her arm, ended up she had been aggressive with the staff and was hitting at them while they were trying to dress her, not a normal occurrence. Anyway, when I asked her what happened she said, "Evidently, Ben hit me." Ben is my dad and the hilarious thing about it is that it couldn't be further from the truth and never was true. It was so cute. She is a hoot sometimes. Later she said, "Whacked the hillywaz out of that lady." Hmmm, somehow she remembered something. Almost everything she says doesn't make sense, then she pats my leg and says, "You got new jeans, you look cute." Never ceases to amaze us.

So, tomorrow I can tell you what happens when she sees the 2 brothers, her sons. I'm gonna take pictures.

Love to all of you, you are all so special,

~Kelly~

Oh my gosh, where were my MANNERS not even asking about the wedding??? I’m sorry, Kelly. I care, really I do. Just more proof I’m….fog….from the neck up lately! Gosh. Thanks for blowing the fog horn, Joyce!

It sounds like you really worked your tail off Kelly, but those happy occasions make it all worth it, don’t they? So glad your sister did well. Maybe now that it’s over she’ll be calmer and settle in to agreement to see a doctor. Who knows, if she would have gone before, the doctor could have said it was just stress from planning a wedding since that was all that was on her mind. Everything happens for a reason.

I know it brings you great relief that her friends will have a watchful eye on her. That will be such a help to you. I hope they help out with some of the driving too.

Listen, you’ll probably get this too late for your brothers’ visit today with your Mom but I remember when my brother’s family visited for the first time after Mom had a big change and although I warned them, I wish I would have stressed better HOW to respond to her.

It’s only natural for people who aren’t around AD to immediately laugh, show shock, whisper or whatever when our Moms say or do something kind of off the wall--without meaning to or realizing those kinds of reactions can hurt her feelings. I know YOU know that, but (a friendly reminder) our brothers don’t! You know your Mom best. It’s better for everyone if they just “follow your lead.” It might even save them from getting the hillywaz knocked out of them too!

Speaking of……..she could have a UTI or something going on with that abrupt change. Never know.

Hope you all have a good visit!

Keep us posted when you can.

Kelly,
Sounds like the wedding was a great success. Thank God though that your sister had you there. It sounds like it might not have gone off as well especially at her home. I had to laugh when you talked about the notes. I am constently writing notes for myself, sometimes even forgetting what I did with the darn notes. Have been doing that for years.

When I used to have 40-50 people over for Easter dinner, I used to put stick it's in the serving bowls so everyone that was helping would know where I wanted certain foods to be. Got a good laugh for doing that.

I'm sure your brothers will be somewhat shocked one way or another. Mine used to come over on a weekly basis and never failed to make mention that he thought Mom was doing better when she was clearly doing worse. Although there were days where she would be doing better and he thought she was worse. Seems to be in the eyes of the beholder. Can't wait to hear your brother's reactions either way. \

I'm glad you were able to talk to a few of your sisters friends about whats going on with her. They see her more often, and maybe they can keep up with you on what's going on. This way you may have a little more to go on to try to help her get some proper help.

By the way, where do you buy Rescue Remedy? At a health food store. Seems I may need some soon.

Take care,
Jackie

Hi all,

Sames U, you're so funny, I know you care which is amazing, most don't. Yes, Jackie, I put sticky notes on all of my serving dishes too, and lists, lists, lists. Want to hear something hysterical? My daughter in laws mother did an incredible job on their wedding, the reception was a joint effort of a caterer friend and the brides family. She put notes on each and every item and what was to be served in it and by it. WELL, when she got down to the food there was her wicker laundry basket with the rolls being served in it !!!!!!!!!!!!! She brought the rolls in bags in that laundry basket but had another labeled with napkins all ironed in it to serve the rolls, but there they were in her every day laundry basket in all their glory! Hysterical now!

Brothers came over Thurs. night for dinner, they were very nice to the children and to me. All went well. Fri. morn. Dad, them, Amber armed with camera and I went to Mom's. She was standing in the dining room with a blanket around her shoulders holding her baby doll. Dad greeted her and she had eyes for him only. When she finally saw her sons she gasped, smiled, cried and said,"Oh, my mama." "Do you know how long it has been?" ~Gulp~ Then, she said, "You were just little boys." Then later, "families should do this more often." Whew, amazing. She talked better than she has in quite a while, why is that? She sat in between the boys and would say to them that they were so cute. They said back that she was cute and then she said, "oh, we all always knew that." So adorable.

Sames U, thanks for the heads up on helping them to know how to deal with her. I had actually done just that when brother wrote about a month ago, told him to just sit and touch her, and let her do the talking and just answer whatever comes to mind. They both did a fabulous job doing just that, I was really proud of them. They like to banter back and forth with one another and get kindof loud so I was thankful that they didn't do that with her, they just did as I said and she never got stressed, I was amazed at how well she did. We all kept pretty quiet and let her lead and she did great. She tried to walk away once and Dad stopped her, then when she did it again I encouraged him to let her go which he did, but she came back. She thinks she should be doing something when more than one of us is there, trying to be hostess. Sweet.

I invited brothers to brunch today, we all got up early, girls made cinnamon rolls and eggs and sausage. We invited a dear friend who is much like an uncle to the children and a huge blessing to our family in many ways, his daughter is married to Johnny Cash's son, my brother is a big Johnny Cash fan, so we thought that would be fun for him to be here. WELL, 45 min. before the brothers were to arrive they called Dad to say they weren't coming, had overslept and were going to see Mom. Dad tried to tell them that they could see her later, but no. Hmmm, we all got up early, made a special breakfast and then they weren't coming. URG! So we decided that we would have a lovely meal with Uncle Pat and Grandpa anyway, and children said Uncle Pat is more of an uncle to them than their real uncles anyway and I was able to share that with him. Then 20 min. later they called back and say they are coming after all. I still don't know if Dad called them back but..... Anyway, they came and it was a fine breakfast, we enjoyed ourselves. The oldest said he about lost it when Mom knew them but knew if he were to start crying he wouldn't be able to stop. I told him I know the feeling, had one of those visits a couple of weeks ago where I couldn't stop crying. It was good to visit with them after they had time to digest how they felt and they had some questions too.

Over all it was good. Dad is having dinner with them right now, I'm glad for him and I'm glad they came, it was good for them and good for Mom for the moment. I look forward to hearing how it went today when they were there without us.

Oh yes, a resident where Mom lives serenaded me while playing the guitar, his eyes were locked on mine the whole time so I had to play into it, I'm sure it was quite the sight, brothers thought it quite funny and said I did a good job! I really love many of those dear people who live there, they are precious.

Well, Jackie, I beat you out on rambling, but I really don't think you ramble, I LOVE hearing from you no matter how down you are feeling. You can get the Rescue Remedy at most health food stores. It is a Bach Flower product. Yes, it would be very good for you, take it about 3-4 times a day. With homeopathics they work best when you take them when your mouth hasn't had anything in it for about 30 min. before and after. Hope it helps.

Take care all and thanks for being interested. It's not like the forum has been packed with posts lately!!! ~Kelly~

Kelly,
I am really glad that your visit went well. The breakfast sounded good, I wouldn't mind someone making a breakfast like that for me. Guess I couldn't eat it now because I just joined a gym with my daughter so I can get into shape. I was going to say again, but I don't think I have been in shape in several years.
I have only been going for one week, but I found myself watching the clock waiting for time to go. We meet there when my daughter gets out of school. She can't go on Wed. because of meetings so I went by myself and did some cardio on the treadmill. It is discouraging when the person next to you has been there for 20 minutes and they're running while I'm slowly walking. Then they have the nerve to still be running when I stop 30 minutes later. I just tell myself that I'm probably three times as old as they are and that they won't be running when they're 70. I think I'll stop off there after mass today and get in 30 minutes of cardio. If nothing else, this gives me a reason to get out.

Haven't heard anything about the baby in a while. Come on Grandma, keep us up to date.

Wow Joyce, that's amazing and wonderful that you are going to the gym. I wish that would work for me, but not possible right now, live too far out of town. Keep going, you won't regret it, only while you're there!!!

Grandbaby is wonderful. She is 7 months, crawling and "talking", you know baby talking. She does say, "Mama" though. Mine always said dada first. She is willful, it's funny to see it in one so young, but the kids see it and are working with her. She bounces a lot while standing or when you're holding her, it's so cute. Can't wait until she calls me something and runs into my arms! Kids are looking for a house to buy, good market for that right now, it will be further from us but closer to his work, so that's good. Thanks for asking.

~Kelly~

Kelly,
My grandson used to call me MeMaw. One day he came in and said Grandma. I really missed the MeMaw and told him I liked when he called me MeMaw because it was special. His reply was "I said MeMaw when I was a baby, I can say Grandma now." It's been Grandma ever since. He will soon be 16. It's so hard to believe they grow up soooooo fast.

It's been one week going to the gym. I actually find myself watching the clock waiting for it to be time to go. I meet my daughter there and she can't go until she gets off work, so it isn't a matter of going whenever. I do go by myself on Wed. and I even went after church on Sun. We shared the cost of getting a personal trainer for two hours and he went through using the equipment for both upper and lower body. He said we would lose about 2 1/2 pounds a week, if we went 3-4 times a week. Yesterday was the one week so we decided to weigh ourself and low and behold, we both lost 3 pounds. Now if that will only keep up, I am supposed to be in the mid point of the healthy chart in 9 more weeks. At that rate I should be ready to cut some more trees this summer. I have 9 that I want to cut in the front yard because they're in danger of falling on the house. The neighbors and I will rent a chipper and make us a wood chip path between our houses.

It doesn't matter if it's work or play now, I am looking forward to doing something. It's been so long since I've been able to look forward to anything.
I went to the social hall after church Sun for coffee and donuts. I told my daughter that I have met more people in the last two months going back there than I'd met in the last two years going back with Bill. Two weeks ago I talked to a young man, about 45 but young to me, and he told me his mother had AD so this Sun I had him introduce me to her. When he did she looked at him and said "She must be a very special person to you" We both laughed and I told her she was the special one and I just wanted to meet her. I think she was trying to hook us up. This old gray haired grandma and her should be married by now son.