Thank you all for your prayers and support. It honestly does help.
I re-read what I wrote last night and even to myself I sounded a little whiny. That wasn't my intent.
It's like Joyce said, I find myself really missing her steadying comfort because things aren't going so smoothly right now. She was always so calm, and understood better than anyone my overly pessimistic nature and could always help me see things more objectively. I really miss that.
And dear Jackie, I was just thinking this morning how much harder and so much more painful it would be if mom WERE here but couldn't understand or remember why I am upset. In many ways I am thankful that this semi-crisis came to a head after her passing because now my loyalties need not be divided and I can give DH my full attention -- being sole caregiver to my mom it would not have been possible before. And I am free to come and go to the hospital as needed. Some silver lining, huh, but I guess we take what we can get.
Of course, what I really want is mom back whole and healthy. I can't have that but I can still speak to her, and I do feel confident that she will hear me and listen.
I just hope I don't hear her talking back!

Feeling her love and comfort would be great, but I really don't want to start hearng voices -- they'd have to get a rubber room ready for me if that happened.
