I was recently given a copy of this, and thought it was worth sharing.

please don't ask me if i'm over it yet. i'll never be "over it."

please don't tell me he/she is in a better place. he/she isn't here.

please don't say "at least he/she isn't suffering." i haven't come to terms with why he/she had to suffer at all.

please don't tell me you know how i feel, unless you have lost someone to ________.

please don't tell me to get on with my life. i'm still here, you'll notice.

please don't ask me if i feel better. bereavement isn't a condition that "clears up."

please don't tell me "God never makes a mistake" or "it was God's will." you mean He did this on purpose?"

please don't tell me "at least you had him/her for ______years/months." what year would you choose for them to die?

please don't tell me God never gives you more than you can bear. who decides how much another person can bear?

PLEASE - just say you are sorry.

PLEASE - just say you remember him/her if you do.

PLEASE - just let me talk if i want to

PLEASE - just let me say his/her name without turning away or changing the subject.

PLEASE - let me cry when i must.

Great post Snick! Thanks for sharing.

It's all so true Snick. People don't know what to say when someone loses a LO and they say what they think will make you feel little better. Just saying I'm sorry and he/she was a great person and wil be missed a lot.
Just let me talk about him/her and don't try to make me forget. I'll never forget.
A neighbor once ask me, six months after our son died, "Do you miss him?" A very stupid question but it was her was of saying she remembered him, too.

It is hard to know what to say when someone passes and I really got my earful after my folks died. The worst was when people would tell me to get over it. Um, yeah....try to get over losing both parents in less than two months of each other and tell me how that's working.

I wasn't too good at offering comfort before I lost my folks. I never knew what to say. I sure do now. And that's not much. People don't need to hear many words to know how much you care. Just being there and holding their hand or sitting with them during those awful moments speaks volumes.

Don't forget to let them talk about their LO. Don't try to change the subject, they just want to remember them not forget them.

that was wonderful....I know I'm still criticized over how moms passing still does me in.....It has hit me harder than I thought....thanks !!!

xxoo
karen

I think the part I have most problems with is what went on with her....her struggles...everything....saddens me to the core.....