Tomorrow 9/17 will be the one year anniversary of Helen's death. Sometimes it seems like a thousand years ago and sometimes it seems like yesterday. It's strange but when you are in the midst of caregiving, you are banging your head against the wall, tearing your hair out, crying, praying and often just wanting it to be over. Then one day it is over and you are lost, alone, don't know who you are anymore and you want it all back.

This is a hard and terrible disease to deal with and grieve is no relief. It has been a tough year filled with some great highs and some terrible lows but I have made it through with the help of my friends. There were days when I didn't want to get out of bed, when even the simple act of breathing seemed like such an effort but I survived.

I will always miss Helen. I will always love her. Grief, however, can no longer control me. This anniversary is like finishing a chapter in my life. I have finally given myself permission to go on. I know that one day cannot change the course of my life but there is something healing about this.

Most of you are still in the midst of caregiving. My heart goes out to you. I know what many of you are going through and what the future is and it breaks my heart. We survive though, even when you don't think you can go on another day. I would consider it an honor if you would let me hold your hands through this as so many held my hand through my journey.

I wish I had had your outlook last month when it was my turn. I guess I did okay but I think I just buried my head in the sand and refused to acknowledge any of it much. It just hurts too much to deal with so I don't.

Please know I am thinking about you and keeping you close in prayer. (((hugs sweetie)))

Lori,

My friend, you know you are in my thoughts, and have my love and prayers this day.

May my short verse for you bring a little sunlight your way.

MY TEAR OF HOPE

The tear which fell was like the morning dew,
Awash with freshness, nurturing my soul.
I thought of those many months of grieving
When darkness would engulf my very being.
But, today, as I honor my dear friend,
I choose the life-giving moments we shared,
And tho' I miss her and embrace our past,
My new journey begins this day with hope.
JEWinslow/September 17, 2008


Love,

Joyce

Thank you so much for being here for
everybody, Lori, and for sharing from the
bottom of your heart. You have no idea what
a gift you have given to so many (and, through
you, Helen has given).
((((((gentle hugs))))))
Carol

Thank you my friends.
Joyce, what beautiful words as usual

Lori,

It was so easy holding your hand throughout your journey with Helen, as you held ours so often and never let go, and continue to do so.

And always remember, our hands are very much still there for you. You continue to be an inspiration to us all.

I hope today finds you with peace knowing that Helen is still always a part of you in spirit, and smiling upon you waiting to see what the next chapter will bring.

love to you my friend,
Jackie